Stories Shared at the Holiday Office Party

A man attending a very fancy affair popped a cherry tomato into his mouth, only to realize, too late, that  it was far too large for his mouth.  Not knowing what else to do, he bit down.  The innards of the tomato squirted out of his mouth and across the table, sewing a line of seeds all the way up an older woman's elegant white dress and onto her naked neck.  This was years ago.  When his colleague inquired whether he had paid for the dry cleaning bill, he paused.  "I never considered dry cleaning," he admitted.  He did though say he was sorry.


A very shy woman was invited out to dinner after work with some colleagues and their boss and their boss's boss.  This was back in the day when people wore suits and ties to work.  And because it was Wisconsin, the dinner was a bratwurst fry.  The very shy woman was seated across from her boss and boss's boss, not the place she wanted to be seated, especially when presented with the prospect of having to put her mouth around a very large brat (as brats in Wisconsin tend to be).  But not knowing what else to do, she picked it up with both hands, put it to her mouth and bit down.  Hot brat grease squirted out the back end of the brat, splattering her boss and boss's boss.  To this day, at all brat frys, she ops for the salad.


Before his high school prom, a man was invited, along with a group of his friends, to his date's house for dinner.  His date's mother served fondue.  The young man had a skewer full of meat on his plate, freshly dipped in barbecue sauce.  When he brought his hand down, he accidentally hit the end of the skewer, flinging the barbecue slathered meat right onto his date's dress.  She was immediately whisked upstairs where all the women disappeared for a half hour.  The guys, not knowing what else to do, continued to fondue.


  1. To avoid the dreaded parental driving, the shy high school junior (and his car) were lured to their first prom by promises of a very special blind date. She was, as promised, a beauty pageant contestant and things went well enough until they stood up from the folding metal chairs surrounding the basketball floor for the first dance. His heel held down the hem of her long dress until he heard the rip of cloth at her waist. He can recall nothing after that moment. His family motto expresses an earnest hope: "death before embarrassment."
    Grandpa John

    1. Sounds like it's straight out of Sixteen Candles, a beloved teen movie of my day. Thanks for sharing!