12.30.2013

The Monkey Mind Report





The kids translated our youtube channel into Hmong and I can't figure out how to change it back to English because I don't read Hmong.  Yesterday, I was working on a package for my future agent whose name I read in the acknowledgements of a coloring book.  I share one of her interests: blog to book projects.  Pauline finally called from the Central African Republic, but she didn't have money to buy enough cellphone time to take down the number she needs to retrieve the money I sent.  The house is a mess.  The girls are outside playing even though it's only a few degrees above zero.  Andrew went to the office.  Where did I read that the common characteristic of successful people is grit?  Two out of the five calendars I ordered have photographs of a stranger's goofy looking kids, though it's probably worse for them, getting a line drawing of Bigsley contemplating his knock knees.  When the Packers beat the Bears to advance to the play-offs last night, the twelve year old son made himself hoarse screaming, "We're going to the Superbowl!" When making your backyard ice rink, remember to consider that even small holes in the tarp can cause sub-tarp permafrost resulting in air bubbles and cracking that is very difficult to correct.  Did you happen to hear the interview with the woman who practices intentional laughter, who laughed after every question the interviewer asked?  I used to be a better cook in Chippewa Falls where people believed I was a good cook.  This is the type of thing that makes my mom call to say she thinks the blog has taken a turn for the worse.  Would it matter if these sentences were in a different order?  I want to read that book I heard reviewed for the second time, by the poet who writes about the woman in the late 1700's who, at the age of 72, sitting at a table for long hours, saw a geranium petal next to a piece of paper of the same color, and began making pictures of flowers cut from colored paper, inventing the art of collage.  I've promised to take the kids in-door ice skating today since it's too cold to skate outside.  This morning with no eggs, no milk, no bread, no butter, no cereal, I made the kids pie from a frozen crust and a jar of Door County cherries.  The eldest took a few bites and leapt to the sink to spit it out.  The secret is that what you believe to be the truth, is, a strange Mobius strip of a thought since to doubt, for even a moment, only serves to prove the thing you doubt to indeed be true.  She will open it and find something new.







12.21.2013

Winter Solstice






Where do you hide your secret desire to write about spring in the fall?

What do you do when the winter howls, but summer's still on the tip of the tongue?

How many days till we meet again and laugh about not fitting in

To some old notion that we keep clinging to, like a single, well-meaning glove?




12.08.2013

A Toast to Jim's Roast


Thank you J.R. 
The only guy I know who could be so gracious
while getting roasted to a fine crisp.






"Closer To Jim"

(sung to the tune of Jim's favorite Indigo Girls song) 

I'm trying to tell you something about Jim’s life
Maybe give you some insight about what he’s like.
The best thing he’s ever done for me
Is to help me see he takes his life very seriously, very seriously, 
yeah.

Well Jim has a hunger that's insatiable
To make sure everyone knows that he is capable
Of kicking your ass and mine if he needs to
I’m not sure why but it might be because he’s 
shorter than the average guy.

He married the girl who beat him at Diplomacy,
He had two children, he hates to go outside.
There's only one answer to every question
No, says Jim, no and no.
The less I talk about myself oh yeah
The closer I am to Jim.

He went to see the doctor of Psychiatry,
She suggested he look into sociopathology
In order to find out more about himself,
She helped him develop an algorithm
to convince everyone he is 
King of the Nerds.

He rates himself a 98%
When it comes to everything but yes,
He used to have a mullet and black leather pants
Making all the nerdy girls sweat and stutter,
Especially those named Gretchen.

He married the girl who beat him at Diplomacy,
He had two children, he hates to go outside.
There's only one answer to every question
No, says Jim, no and no.
The less I talk about myself oh yeah
The closer I am to Jim.

But now he’s your average middle age guy
With foot fungus, a mortgage, and two 3D printers,
Making slot machines for gambling addicts
Wondering if there’s more to life than looking forward
to the next Maker Faire.

So he has some ties to the mafia,
An east coaster who went to a fancy private school,
But he’s tweaked his algorithm, painted half his house,
managed to find himself a group of friends
who accept him for what he really is,
God of Seej.

A game that uses 3D printed bricks
to build walls and fortresses for geeks to shoot down
with copper pennies slung from 3D printed sling-shots,
Believe me, people notice
when he walks through the convention center 
wearing his Seej t-shirt. 

He married the girl who beat him at Diplomacy,
He had two children, he hates to go outside.
There's only one question I have to ask,
And he’ll talk to me all day long,
How was jujitsu?
How was jujitsu?

How was jiu-jitsu class today, Jim?




12.06.2013

Left Handed Journal, Day 2






left handed portrait of my mom back when her vocabulary was more abounding and less #&$^%*!