Something Like Nothing

The Believer comes wrapped in plastic unlike the other magazines I get.  I don’t know why.  Is the decision to wrap the magazine in plastic made by one person, or a committee?  Were relationships broken in the making of the decision?  Are some people still bitter about it?  Regretful at how things have turned out? 

The Believer, also unlike other magazines I get, gives me an unsettling feeling.  I don’t know exactly why.  I like the color and shape and design of the cover and the feel of the paper, but the content of the magazine makes me somehow uncomfortable.  And I can’t quite explain why.  There is something there I don’t get and in every issue there is only one article I am able to read.  I don’t know why that is, but it is that way.

One article I was able to read in a past issue was an interview with R. Crumb, and the thing I remember about that article was his comment that he doesn’t understand what the magazine is all about either.  

Still, I rip the plastic off The Believer with an eagerness I can’t explain.  On the back cover, I see the name Miranda July.  I like that name.  I’ve liked it ever since I first saw it on a paperback with a yellow cover.  I can’t remember where I encountered the book but I liked the simple yellow cover and I liked the name: Miranda, my niece’s name, July, a month in the summer.  I read the book and liked it very much, so now I read the interview with Miranda July. 

Meanwhile, The Little Gentleman and my son are giggling in the kitchen.  Last week, they put a  sesame bagel on the fan blade and everyday The Little Gentleman comes over to check if it is still there.  That bagel anonymously spinning around and around makes The Little Gentleman giggle uncontrollably.  My son is annoyed that he wasted an hour of his life watching Judge Judy and announces that it must be the dumbest show ever made.  When I was his age I felt that way about The Love Boat and yet I watched it everyday after school.

The sun is shining but I am glum that the interview with Miranda July is making me glum.  It has nothing to do with Miranda July whose name I so like and has everything to do with me. 

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